Before you search for how to confront a cheating spouse, ask yourself an important question – should you confront your cheating spouse right now?
While some folks feel the need to face the culprit as soon as they hear the news, others prefer to wait till they have proof or till the divorce proceedings have begun.
Before you take your husband or wife to account, consider all the possible results of such a confrontation and be honest with yourself.
Do You Understand The Only 2 Possible Outcomes Of This Conversation?
Understand that when one partner has an affair, they take a conscious decision to make or break the marriage they are in. Your discovery of this decision means you must make the same choice now. This conversation means the ball is in your court and your decision is due.
Do You Have Any Concrete Proof To Back Your Accusation?
You can’t just randomly start pointing fingers. Your spouse’s affair might have dawned on you suddenly as the pieces fell into place, but you need evidence to back your claims or your partner will easily evade the topic.
Plan your moves and get some hard core facts first. If you later decide to divorce your partner, you will be glad you didn’t reveal your game too early.
Are You In Control?
It’s easy to rush into an emotionally charged (and futile) confrontation when you’re upset, so consider the entire situation. Even if your spouse’s deception has left you feeling there is no hope for your relationship, stop yourself before you say or do something you regret and cannot repair.
Wait out the initial turmoil and gather your thoughts so you can have a constructive conversation that leads to a concrete solution to your failing marriage.
Are You Ready To Listen To Your Partner’s Story?
You’ve been cheated, deceived, probably exposed to STDs and now your spouse is going to try to get you to see their perspective – to understand them! Do you think you can handle that? Or will such a telling end in disaster for your partner?
Do You Have A Support Group To Fall Back Upon?
In an ideal world, fights do not end in blows. But this is not an ideal world. Do you have family or friends who may be willing to hang about in a neighboring coffee shop for any emergency during your confrontation? This is a vital question you must consider.
Though you do not want them around to influence the outcome of your fight, you may need protection and a shoulder to cry on after the ordeal. It’s a lot easier than dialing 911 mid-blow.
If the answer to all these questions is yes, you may proceed with the confrontation. If you are unsure or have negative answers to these questions, you should probably wait till you figure these details out.
How to know if your girlfriend is cheating over the phone? It’s a tough question, but this is the right place for answers.
Technology makes it easy to cheat, but it also makes it much more easier to catch cheaters. Personal mobile devices can hold phenomenal evidence against your girlfriend.
However, this does not give you the right to violate your girlfriend’s trust and privacy, so think hard before you step down this path.
You should know that you have cause to worry…
If She Develops A Strong Affinity Towards Her Phone
Your girlfriend’s relationship with her phone will change once she starts having an affair. She may begin to get more frequent private calls that last longer and longer. These calls might precede sudden trips to the bank or coffee shop.
If work made her PDA indispensable before, now it’s an integral part of her for security reasons. She will be guarding her phone zealously to make sure you don’t accidentally answer her calls or notice her call logs.
She may password protect her device to prevent you from accessing stored data. She might even take on a new number and a second work phone.
If she starts the aforementioned behaviour, you are allowed to be suspicious. Get ready to launch an even more invasive assault -
Sneak A Peak At Her Phone
This may feel a bit sneaky, but if you want to know the truth, you’re going to have to silence that little voice in your head you call conscience. The moment she leaves her phone unguarded, pounce on it.
1. Check Call Logs & Messages
Check her incoming, outgoing and missed calls SMSes, MMSes and e-mails for the slightest whiff of romance. You can easily find times and places their meetings.
2. Check Media Files
Look at stored images, video and audio clips for any cosy pictures with fond gestures. If you’re lucky, you might even find some explicit pictures.
Take A Look At Her Itemized Bill
Apart from family, close friends and colleagues you know, every other number is suspect.
1. Most Called & received Numbers
Check who she calls the most, how long she speaks to them and who calls her to get a clearer picture of her level of involvement with her lover. Smart cheaters use different unlisted numbers to call their lovers, so analyze the entire content of her bill.
2. Missed Calls
Check the numbers that she gets the most missed calls from.
Install A Phone Spy Software
To do this, you just have to borrow her phone to browse the web. The minute the device is in your hands, download your favorite spy softwares on to the device.
The software will stealthily track all her call and message logs and deliver them to your user account. Some will even use GPRS to track your girlfriend’s whereabouts for you. You can have easy, sneaky access to your girlfriend’s every move.
If you are or were a close couple, hiding an affair will be a massive effort for your partner. Under pressure to ensure that there are no lose ends, your spouse may end up behaving oddly.
Watch out for these common behavioral changes as they signal your spouse is up to something.
1. Behavior Towards Self
An affair is usually accompanied by a drastic change in the way people perceive themselves. While some are wrecked with guilt and hate this deceptive new role, others thrive in it’s excitement.
While Type A people may become more preoccupied, distant and aloof during an affair, loosing weight and getting dark circles, Type B often flourishes. They may get fitter, have a make over and appear happier.
2. Behavior Towards You
During the initial phases of a new romance, your spouse may try to compensate for their vagrancy by being over attentive or affectionate towards you.
In the latter part of the affair your partner may be more critical of you, especially if he or she is looking for a reason to be with the new object of interest. This extends to sex as well. Make a mental note of any change in positions, frequency or preferences.
3. Behavior Towards The Kids
A spouse who is doing something that may split up the family, will naturally try to bribe the kids to win them over. Be wary if a spouse who normally doesn’t bother, starts to shower the kids with gifts and special outings.
On the other hand, be very alarmed if a usually attentive parent begins to lose focus from their kid.
4. Behavior Towards The Phone
Technology makes it easy to catch a cheater. If your partner is using a personal cell phone to communicate with a lover there may be incriminating evidence in his device; images, call logs and messages.
This will make him more possessive of his phone, he may even password protect it to keep you and the kids from getting to it.
5. Behaviour Towards Work & Other Activities
Cheaters frequently use work as an excuse for clandestine meetings. Over-time is a highly believable excuse, as are all-nighters to clear deadlines, training seminars at expensive hotels and out of town conferences over weekends. Other popular excuses include gym, tennis, dance or pottery class and even evening school!
Remember, these sign are also symptoms of a host of other issues your spouse may have. Your partner might genuinely be worried with work or trying to hide a medical problem from you.
To ensure you don’t wind up torturing an already troubled soul, you should look for hard evidence before you start making accusations.
Here’s a woman’s advice on what you might do if your boyfriend cheats on you. There is no one answer fits all. You have to look at your particular situation and decide on the best course of action.
If you know your husband or boyfriend is having an affair and you want to catch him cheating, you need to plan your moves.
Here’s the smart woman’s guide to catching a cheater.
Before you start your manhunt, here’s a check list.
1. Have you done any research to confirm your fears?
2. Was there enough solid evidence to prove him guilty?
3. Do you have resources to start the chase?
4. Are you ready to invade his privacy and go out of your comfort zone to know the answer?
5. Are you ready for unpleasant confrontations?
6. Have you verified, cross-examined and rechecked the proof against him?
If you answered ‘no’ for even a single question, then you need more time to think this through. Turn back now. If the answer to ALL five questions is ‘yes’, then proceed with great caution.
Ask Him
If you can’t play games, then take the direct route – talk to him. Bring it out, straight and clear and stun him into an honest confession. Or you can start by mentioning his odd behaviour and all other suspicious little details you can remember.
Mention his long absences, the credit card or phone bill, the increased calls, the photographs, emails on his pc and rumours. Present your doubts logically and clearly then let him give you his side of the story. Don’t let him charm and joke his way out of this one.
Bug Him
If he’s seeing someone else, he’s likely to take her out. So target his car. Hide a voice-activated recorder in his car to record conversations. Tape it under the seat, away from all actively used levers or in a place you know he doesn’t reach for too often.
Even if he never takes her out, you might just catch a revealing conversation between him and a friend. Confront him with this evidence.
Capture Him
If he has a separate study, workshop or if he lives alone, you can tape all his antics. Buy a spy-cam online. You get them in all shapes and sizes, hidden in toys, vases, clocks even picture frames.
Recordings can be timed, or you can invest in motion or voice activated pieces. Check the features before you make your pick. This is a great way to catch him.
Bait Him
Go shopping. Pick up binoculars with night-vision online and clothes he’d never expect you to wear. Secretly rent a car. Plan a trip out of town. Let the world know. Head out of home, but double back to town as quick as you can.
If you’re driving, park someplace secure where he’s unlikely to bump into your car. Get in your new clothes, into the rented car and stake out his home, work, gym or bar.
Your cheater will take advantage of your absence to sneak out with his girlfriend. Be prepared, she might turn out to be someone you know and care about.
So you’re convinced all is not well in Eden. You’re not sure you have the right to go through his personal mails, messages or his finances to look for conclusive evidence. You don’t know if you spy on your cheating spouse discreetly.
That thing called “conscience” is winning the battle. Whatever reasons your civilized self offers your mind, shut them out and do the needful.
You need to know if your spouse is cheating on you to protect your family from the emotional, mental and financial trauma affairs bring.
So quit guilt tripping and find a few quick ways to confirm the truth and start damage control.
Check Communication Devices
It is not a crime to go through your spouse’s gadgets and correspondence. Your spouse could be enjoying a fulfilling emotional relationship with an on-line buddy or even be having a passionate physical fling with someone – unless you probe you will never know the truth.
Check the cell phone, PDA, net book and computer. Look for images, hidden files, emails, messages, call records, stored media files, expense accounts and anything that tells you more about your partner’s activities.
Spying Softwares For all His Devices
If the step above reveals something suspicious, confirm or clarify your doubts using a spying software. Buy one on-line or download a trial version. These softwares work with computers, phones and other systems to maintain a log of all deleted phone/email messages and chats.
You can record his every keystrokes and password, take screen shots or gain complete control over your spouse’s PC and cell phone from a remote desktop. If he is is hiding something, you will find it.
Surveillance With GPS and Mileage Tracking
Now that you know your spouse is cheating – you need to collect enough physical evidence to face him. Using a GPS tracking device or even a simple cell phone with a few spying softwares installed, you can literally follow your spouse around town.
Arrange for timed or motion based recorded feeds from a cell phone or camera conveniently left on the backseat or follow your spouses’ car around on a mapping software to catch him in the act.
Old-School Spying As A Last Resort With PIs and Shadowing
If your spouse is lying and you know it- do things the old fashioned way. Check pockets, purses, desks, cupboards and other personal effects for contraceptives, stains, gifts and other knick-knacks. If he says he’s working this weekend, show up with a packed lunch to see if he’s really there.
If you feel incapable of such indiscretions, employ a private investigator to follow up on your behalf. Your lawyer will probably know someone good. Uncover your spouse’s excuses and face him/her with the truth.
Remember, when your spouse is faced with evidence of their unfaithfulness, they may react uncharacteristically. Be careful and weigh all your options before you react.
How can you tell if your spouse or partner is cheating on you? Here are 10 signs of a cheating spouse you need to look out for:
1. Lifestyle Changes – Has your spouse developed a new hobby or obsession? A sudden mid-life change might be just that – a much needed mid-life change, but accompanied by a few other things, it could be symbolic of other things.
2. Physical Changes – Has he suddenly joined a gym, or become more fashion conscious? Is your wife’s makeover making you uncomfotable? An affair is an unethical, but surefire way to boost self esteem, and can do miracles to an individuals’ overall self worth and appearance.
3. Quality time – Are team-building exercises, overtime, extra practice, car-pooling and child-care genuine excuses to justify your lack of time together? The sudden distance can be a sinister symptom.
4. New Privacy Issues – Does your spouse turn away to take calls or maintain a separate bank account? A sudden need for space and privacy is a sign of inability to communicate and possible deception.
5. Altered Spending Patterns – Affairs don’t come cheap. Unaccountable credit card spendings for theaters shows, hotel rooms, dinners and other nice things may mean your spouse is out having a good time without you.
6. Evasiveness – Can he explain his sudden disappearances, delays, frequently unavailable cellphones, and unheard of appointments to your satisfaction? If he is unable to vouch for his time, you may have cause for worry.
7. Defensiveness – The cheater is constantly on the alert to conceal the truth and therefore may react defensively. This can translate into uncalled for aggression, insults or anger at the smallest suspicions.
8. Mood Swings – Cheating requires skillful time management and manipulation. The cheater may suffer mood swings, from euphoria at a successful conquest, to depression from guilt or the threat of being discovered.
9. Sex Life – Depending on the cheater’s nature, your sex life may go cold or might just get red hot. It might get kinkier or it might abruptly sizzle out.
10. Distracted and Distant – Does he seem preoccupied, distracted and is he behaving in ways you’d never have imagined? Is this the same person you exchanged vows with or do you no longer recognize your spouse?
You’ve read the list, now think back carefully, objectively and unemotionally about your spouses’ behavior. Can you identify their behavior with these ten most common signs of cheating?
While the signs themselves are not conclusive of your other half having an affair, it does provide some valid reasons to be suspicious of them cheating on you.
If changes in your spouses’ behavior has led you to being suspicious of them having an affair, knowing how to catch a cheating spouse will help you to uncover the truth.
However, the way you go about it, and the steps you take can make or break your chances of ever finding out the truth.
Once suspicions creep into your mind about your partners’ possible infidelity, it can lead to sleepless nights…and turns into the all consuming thought in your life.
Your mental anguish adversely effects virtually every aspect of your life. And understandly so.
It did mine when I went through the same unfortunate betrayal.
What you need to be aware of when you want to catch your cheating spouse and uncover the truth are two main points.
1. How “you” cope and deal with the whole emotional process
2. The practical steps you need to take to uncover the truth
Let me explain in a bit more detail each of the two factors:
The natural and instinctive reaction you will likely have when faced with the thoughts of your husband or wife cheating, is to get overwhelmed with emotion.
That’s perfectly natural.
However, you must resist all temptations of expressing those emotions either through your behavior, or in the way you talk to your spouse.
When you show any real signs of suspicion to your spouse, you do the one thing that will make finding out the truth much, much harder… you end up alerting them of the fact that you’re on to them!
Once this happens, it helps your partner to be even more prepared, defensive, and alert about how to cover their signs of cheating better than they were doing so far.
You inadvertently helped them into being a better at covering up the affair. As hard as it might be, you need to keep your suspicions and emotions of hurt, anger, and devastion close to your chest.
Which brings me to the second point of – “how to uncover the truth about the affair”
Is he/she having an affair?
Do NOT confront your partner without any proof!
Don’t make the mistake of confronting your spouse, without having any real proof.
Without any tangible proof of adultery or lying, you will never be able to get to the bottom of it. You will just prolong your misery needlessly.
While it may be difficult to keep your emotions in check (there is nothing more unnerving than feeling betrayed on such deep level), you need to focus on the various practical methods to catch a cheating spouse, which includes a mixture of careful observation and covert spying.
Regardless of what your situation might be, rest assured there is usually always a way to find out the truth about your relationship.
Before you search for how to confront a cheating spouse, ask yourself an important question – should you confront your cheating spouse right now?
You love him completely. You trust her entirely. But the signs are there, and an nagging voice in the back of your mind won’t let suspicions go.
That thing called “conscience” is winning the battle. Whatever reasons your civilized self offers your mind, shut them out and do the needful.
1. Lifestyle Changes – Has your spouse developed a new hobby or obsession? A sudden mid-life change might be just that – a much needed mid-life change, but accompanied by a few other things, it could be symbolic of other things.
If changes in your spouses’ behavior has led you to being suspicious of them having an affair, knowing how to catch a cheating spouse will help you to uncover the truth.